I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize