I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
