i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
