Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
