It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
