he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
