He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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