Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
