You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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