Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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