dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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