i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
