No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
