I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
