I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
