just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
