His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
