I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Randomize
