Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
