i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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