true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
