one word: firstdatebathroomanal
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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