My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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