Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
