Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
