i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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