conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
