Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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