I forgot how hot balto sounded
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
