Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I want is dick and wine.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
