He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
