I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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