He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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