alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
