When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
