i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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