you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
