thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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