im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i've created a new STD.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
