I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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