Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Randomize
