you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
