I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
