At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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