I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
