I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
