I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
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Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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