I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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