9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
