Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
