It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
