I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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