Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
