ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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