When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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