i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
