Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
