his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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