i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
