anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
