If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
