It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize