I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
