She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
