...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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