My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
