party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
