So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can you bring me the toilet please
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
