Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I intend to get homeless drunk
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Randomize
