i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
