I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My feet surprised me
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