I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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