I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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