omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
