I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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