Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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