Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
