You made me cry and you don't even care
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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